


Remembering Adam

by ThatScottishShipper



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath, Angst and Feels, Exes, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Shiro (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 06:57:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16279826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatScottishShipper/pseuds/ThatScottishShipper
Summary: Shiro calls Keith "Adam" during intimacy.Angst ensues.*Inspired by tweets about fan comic, see author's notes.*





	Remembering Adam

Shiro cried out for Adam.

In the throes of pleasure, as Shiro surrendered to the physical intimacy he craved dearly after those lonely nights, he cried out for Adam.

Keith’s widened eyes were clouded with hurt, a betrayed look passing across his face. The one man he loved above all else said his former lover’s name during lovemaking.

And Keith was heartbroken.

 

Shiro stared in horror as Keith slowly pulled away from the other man, his heart breaking into a million pieces. The Black Paladin was ashamed by his own lack of control and the heartache he caused the man he had grown very close to.

“Keith-”

“ _Don’t_ ,” the dejected young man interrupted, settling at the edge of the bed. He faced away from Shiro, clenching his teeth, trying to swallow the hurt threatening to erupt from him in angry words.

Shiro, _his_ Shiro, couldn’t even say his name in the heat of lovemaking. Had all this been a mistake?

 _Of course_ , Keith told himself. He’s still mourning over him. _Why else would he say his name?_

 

Absolutely mortified, Shiro was still determined to set things right, swiftly sitting up and shifting closer to Keith. “God, Keith, I’m so sorry, I-”

Agonised, Keith shook his head, clenching his fists against the bedsheets. “ _Don’t_!” His voice cracked with emotion, burning with anger, more at himself than Shiro.

_Shiro’s just hurting. He lost Adam, got torn away from him._

_I’m just… kidding myself, thinking he’d ever love me like he loved him._

_I should be used to being alone by now..._

 

“I get it,” Keith sighed, desperate to bring an end to the disastrous night, claiming understanding when all that consumed his mind was the same old song.

Rejection. Abandonment. Loneliness.

Keith’s painful voice only increased Shiro’s guilt further. He loved Keith from the bottom of his heart, so his outburst had shocked him, reminding him of an important part of his life before the Kerberos mission.

The man he almost married. The man he broke away from to spare him the pain of watching the man he loved withering before his eyes.

The man he never said goodbye to before departing, and for all he knew, believed him dead due to Pilot Error.

 

Shiro bit his lip, hating himself for hurting another loved one close to him, because of his own selfishness. He slowly reached out to pat Keith’s shoulder, in that all familiar manner, only to be met with a tense touch.

“Keith,” Shiro said softly, praying he had not ruined another beautiful thing. “Please, could you turn around? I want to explain…”

The Red Paladin did just that, only to reveal glistening eyes, swirling from the emotional storm inside him. When he spoke, weary resignation and bitterness replaced the earlier anguish, partly to reassure himself and Shiro that he understood the situation loud and clear. “What’s there to explain? I’m not Adam.”

“No,” Shiro confirmed, tormented by what he had done to him. “You’re not, that’s why I-”

“Then there’s nothing else to say,” Keith muttered as plainly as possible without breaking down in front of Shiro. No. Not here. What good would getting upset do? It won’t change anything.

“Sorry to be a disappointment.”

 

As Keith stood up, ready to leave, Shiro snatched his hand, trying to claim responsibility for the hurt he caused. It was unfair to let his lover leave, believing himself inferior. “You’re not,” Shiro reassured firmly. “If anyone is a disappointment, it’s me. Please, Keith. Let me say my piece and afterwards, you… If you still wish to leave…”

A strange mess of conflicting emotions flickered in Keith’s eyes, growing ever intense as he hesitantly sat back down on the bed. Clearly reluctant to pour his heart out, in case he was unable to stop, Keith kept his head down, his silence an indicator that Shiro could explain himself.

 

The older man took a deep breath, concern for his lover conveyed in his unwavering gaze. “First of all, I’m sorry I hurt you, Keith. I need you to know that I love you, I will always love you, and what I said won’t change that.”

Shiro waited a moment, giving Keith time to digest his words before continuing. He knew he had a chance of messing up this conversation, given it was not one he ever thought he would have and his greatest fear, hurting his lover in some form, had happened and the whole thing had taken them both unaware.

Nevertheless, he pressed on, hoping to at least reassure Keith that the fault was not his, only Shiro and his big mouth.

“...I know I’ve never spoken about Adam for quite some time, but… you know he and I were important to each other for some time.”

 

Of course, Keith knew that. His brief time in the Garrison familiarised him with Shiro’s near engagement. Even after reuniting, Keith did wonder if Shiro would reconcile with his former love upon their return to Earth, something he admittedly dreaded whenever his own feelings awakened.

It was his own source of guilt, knowing how much the two had meant to each other.

Imagine Keith’s surprise when Shiro responded to his affections one night not long after rescuing him, and they began an intimate relationship. It was now that Keith’s suspicions about the sudden and whirlwind nature of their romance began to return. Like his one sided crush being reciprocated by the man of his dreams was too good to be true.

“Yeah,” Keith retorted, barely raising his gaze from the floor. “He was your world, right?”

Something painful stirred in Shiro’s chest, a weighted reminder that his time with Adam was long gone. “...That’s right. Maybe it’s because I never talked about him much that’s… I don’t know. We parted ways before the Kerberos mission and… we moved on.”

_At least, I hope he has. He deserves to be happy with someone._

_Someone who won’t be a burden to him._

 

Keith sighed. He knew Shiro was trying, but the doubt in his heart and mind was still absolute. “...It still hurt, Shiro.”

“Of course, Keith, and I’m sorry.” Shiro knew that he had caused a rift between them, and perhaps Keith would feel that fracture deep inside his heart for some time.

Shiro wanted to remedy his mistake however he could. “If there’s anything I want to assure you of most, Keith, it’s that you are no disappointment or replacement. You are you, Keith, and that’s why I fell in love with you.”

Touched by those words, Keith still tried to remain defensive. He still failed to understand. “Then _why_?”

 

Shiro shook his head, knowing that simply saying faulty brain signals during sex or whatever was the problem would not be sufficient. “It’s difficult for me to explain without sounding like I’m making excuses, but I do love you, Keith, and I’m sorry.”

Keith regarded him for a moment, sensing sincerity from the other Paladin, which offered only a small bit of reassurance. “...I know you didn’t mean it, but it still really hurt. All it does is make me wonder, you know, if…”

_You really want Adam._

_You almost married him once._

 

Still holding Keith’s shoulder, Shiro gave him a small smile, mindful of how delicate the discussion still was. It was not his desire to invalidate any distress or upset he caused. “I do love you, Keith. I understand that I did hurt you, and I truly regret that.”

Suddenly, an emotionally drained Keith collapsed on the edge of the bed. He knew Shiro did not set out to hurt him tonight, or ever, but he was fatigued by the surge of emotions wrecking havoc upon him.

And he might not be able to control the threatening tears if they continued.

“Sleeping on it,” Keith mumbled wearily. “If I don’t kick your ass out of bed by sunrise, we can talk more tomorrow.”

Surprised that his boyfriend hadn’t left, Shiro sighed softly, relieved that he had not lost him. Not wishing overstep his boundaries, he kept to the other side of the bed, watching Keith’s body, from the gentle breathing, knowing he still had much to atone for.

 

Shiro thought as sleep finally overtook him,  _Am I capable of not hurting those I love?_

**Author's Note:**

> Not normally the sort of angst I'd write, but what can I say? Inspiration struck thanks to tweets about a fan comic that touched on the idea of Shiro calling Keith "Adam" during intimacy and angst ensued. If you know who did this comic, please get in touch because I'd love to credit, but I can't find it sadly.
> 
> This was a challenge as I wanted to keep them in character as much as I could, while exploring their individual feelings and emotions during the conflict. Exploring the shadow left by Adam was interesting, and I tried to leave hope for the relationship, while avoiding a quick, and easy resolution.
> 
> Though I'm a sucker and like to tell myself they'd work it out.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
